Listening

so here is a short conversation..

The editor suggested by phone, "Let's meet for lunch.
We'll discuss your writing project then.""How will I know you?"
I asked."Oh,"
she answered, "that's easy. I'll be the tall, skinny blonde."I formed a mental picture. . . but one destined to be short-lived.

For on that Tuesday, when she walked up to greet me, I was glad she spoke first. I wouldn't have identified her from the description. In fact, I'd glanced at her once, then looked elsewhere.

She seemed average height, with light brown hair, and not all that skinny (which, of course, I couldn't mention).
Everybody has similar experiences. Written and spoken descriptions seem even less reliable than weather forecasts and lottery tickets.
We hear, "Great movie--you have to see it!"
We rent the video, then cut it off after ten minutes, muttering, "This movie got an Oscar?"You dislike the "super restaurant" a friend raved about.
To you, prices were too high, servers were slow and rude, and you'd rate the food bland, at best.As a result, we have popularized statements like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "One man's meat is another man's poison."

Communication specialists attribute these diverse interpretations to perception. They explain that each of us has a unique window to the world. Consequently, our viewpoints are truly customized, like a contact lens prescription which works for us, but not for the person standing next to us.

Life experiences shape perception.

A Boston native will laugh at the Atlanta weatherman's "frigid" forecast, when temperatures dip into the 40s. Bostonians wash their cars on those days.
A person's needs alter perception.

You've heard the advice, "Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry."
You'll buy foods you'd skip when shopping just after a meal. Also, think of driving past a bank sign and seeing the time and temperature flashing alternately.
Running late for an appointment, you're likely to focus on the time.
Heading for the beach, you'll center on the temperature. In either case, the irrelevant numbers might not "register" with you.
If asked, you couldn't repeat them.Gender influences perception.
Often we feel there's no exaggeration in John Gray's title, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
As Gray states, many male/female conflicts don't revolve around issues of right or wrong, just decisions made from opposite vantage points.Certainly economic status alters perception. What, for instance, is your definition of an expensive house? Think back to when your salary was one third or one half of your current income.
Your dollar figure for an expensive home was radically different then, wasn't it?
Throw in how housing prices have escalated in the last twenty years, and you'll note another reason definitions change.Physical characteristics play important roles.
In the sixth grade, I learned that I'm largely colorblind. Maybe the editor I met for lunch really was more of a blonde than I thought. Also, were I shorter in stature, she could have fit the "tall" depiction.


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Listening is a crucial skill for professional and personal success.
Yet it seems like such a basic skill - we all know how to listen, right?
But although this skill is basic in theory, it's difficult to execute.
Yes, everyone can listen, but how many people can listen well?Why is listening important? First, it shows respect to the speakerSecond, if you listen well, you can learn something

Here are 5 ways to improve your listening skills:

1.

Focus.If you decide that someone is worth listening to, then give the speaker your full attention. Turn away from the computer and set your cell phone to vibrate. We may like to think we can multi-task, but we really can't do it with tasks, and we certainly can't do it with people.

2.
Show that you are listening.Make eye contact, ask relevant questions n avoid checking your watch frequently
3.
For a few minutes, let it be all about the other person.Don't use the time to think about your rebuttal. It's important to remember that the function of listening is to understand what the other person is saying, not necessarily to agree with it.
4.
Read between the lines.Don't just listen to the words - also tune into the non-verbal communications. Watch the other's body language and become aware of the feelings behind the words.
5.
Resist the urge to interrupt.Ah, this is a tough one for many of us, me included.

Choong Chin Choa
B0800939